Music is a powerful source of life and unity.  One of the many reasons I love music so much is because it connects people.  I recently found a website that promotes peace through music collaboration.  It’s called Playing for Change. There are videos of musicians and singers from around the world playing music together.  It is all edited together to create the full song.  You have to see it and hear it.  Here’s one of the videos, but go to www.playingforchange.com to hear more:

My song “Death of Me” was originally a completely different song called “Autumn Leaves”.  The only parts that are the same are the guitar, a bit of the melody, and one line.

When I was recording Dark Before Dawn, I realized that the lyrics of Autumn Leaves wasn’t quite working.  The whole song was a metaphor for the passing on of grandparents, using the imagery of leaves in the Fall.  It was written decently well, but it didn’t have much heart to it, which is because I wasn’t really writing from experience… I was writing more thematically.  My producer, Adam Loewen, said (in the nicest way possible) that Autumn Leaves sounded like a teenage girl reciting her poem to an old folks home.  Here are the original lyrics for you to laugh at if you wish:

Autumn leaves, when winter comes we won’t forget your colors

Autumn leaves, you’re beautiful; your character is in your wrinkles

Fall down gently underground

Lay still in peace

In time this tree will see more leaves

In colors of gold

Autumn leaves, your history is memorable; you made a home

Autumn leaves, when winter comes this family tree feels empty

The only line I wanted to keep was  “Fall down gently underground.  Lay still in peace.” Although it lost it’s irony when it was no longer talking about leaves falling underground, it was still a good line.  I eventually thought of writing a song about a relationship dying - a love dying.  This is something that I could write about from experience.

I remember being in the relationship and both of us would always tell each other that we love each other, but we rarely showed our love.  I kept on hearing people say that love is a choice, which confused me.  I thought that if I chose to say, “I love you,” and tried to believe that it was true, then everything would just fix itself.  I didn’t realize that the choice involved real action as well.  I think the advice, “Love is a choice,” is a bit misleading.  I think the full message is that you need to choose to love someone and then act on that choice.  In other words, “Love is a verb,” like Dc Talk sang (I can’t believe I just referenced an old-school Dc Talk song!).

After my relationship broke up, I read a book called The Five Love Languages.  It’s too bad I didn’t read it earlier.  It talks about how people express and experience love in different ways from one another.  So sometime our love doesn’t get communicated because we are essentially speaking different languages.  The five languages are: service, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, and physical touch.  People can speak all of these languages to some degree, but most people focus on one or two.

This book taught me how to act out my love (which I’m still working on).  And obviously when people don’t act out their love, it dies.  Hence my song, “Death of Me”.  You can find it on iTunes.

Here are the lyrics:

The air escapes my lungs. My God what have I done?

I knew our time would come but, not yet

My heart is slowing down. My head is spinning ‘round

My mouth is spilling out regret

Fall down gently underground

Lay still in peace

My love will be the death of me

It doesn’t suffice

I swear I read your mind. I knew you every time

But you had one surprise, you lied

You used to share with me, strong integrity

Now that ceases to be, we died

Fall down gently underground

Lay still in peace

My love will be the death of me

It doesn’t suffice

It doesn’t suffice

Love doesn’t suffice

One of the main reasons I look forward to holidays is that I usually get to spend time with my family.  This Easter Sunday I went to Nanaimo where my parents live.  There are many reasons why it is good to go home - I get fed well (and don’t have to cook), I get to relax because I’m away from my computer (which can easily consume a whole day with work, social networking, music, and YouTube), but the main reason why it is so good to go home is that I am reminded that I am part of a loving family.  I have been trying to understand love my whole life (and I will probably continue to learn what love is until the day I die… and even after that), but I see a lot of love in my family.  This is what I witnessed during this visit:

Love is…

…going to a family friend’s house for a hotdog and marshmallow Easter dinner

…helping my mom clean up molasses that exploded in the microwave

…watching TV together, even if we don’t all like the same shows

…my mom and sister helping me sort through boxes of their old stuff (such as pots and pans, cutlery, and other kitchen stuff) so that I don’t have to buy new things.  I’m a poor artist, so I need to save my money.

…my parents giving me Easter chocolate, even though I’m twenty two years old and live on my own.

…accompanying my mom on her errands (dropping off recycling, getting film developed, and buying a bridal shower present for someone I don’t know.  It’s not my idea of fun, but it was time spent with my mom)

…going for an evening walk together while holding a formal debate about pointless matters (such as the definition and purpose of the term “sub-division”) 

…everyone having a say in the colour scheme of the new house renovations.

This is what love looks like at the Hawker house.  Love is found in the simple everday activities.  It is about being a part of each other’s lives.  Love has to do with existence and presence.  That is what I learned this weekend.  What did you learn?