Jeff Hawker

Last night I think I played the best show of my life so far.  It has reignited my passion for music.

The concert was at the House of James in Abbotsford.  I used to live in Abbotsford and I never thought that it was a great place for gigs, but after experiencing my fair share of dull gigs in the “big city” of Vancouver, I realize that smaller cities and towns are fun to play at because they have less events and places competing for their attention.  And I think this affects the way the people respond to hearing some good music.  They want to support the artist and really get connected (or so I assume from what I observed).

There were quite a few people who bought my CD, plus people payed cover to see the show.  So I made a decent amount of money.  It feels so good to make money doing something I love.  And it’s not about the money in itself.  I’m very content with a simple life and am not in it for fame or fortune.  It’s a weird psychological thing that I’m talking about.  It feels good to get paid for playing music because it shows that people value my work.  They ascribe worth to my music when they pay to listen to it, whether live or on a recording.  Payment is a sacrifice.  In the old bartering system, people would exchange goods or services for other goods or services.  Now we have money as a middleman.  So when I get paid for a CD or concert it’s like people are saying, “Good job.  Your music is appreciated.  I will trade you this for your work.”  Hearing the verbal encouragement is nice too, but it doesn’t take much sacrifice on their part and, therefore, falls a little flat.  I remember the faces of people who buy my CD.  I don’t always remember the people who said, “Good job.”  But in the moment I still appreciate it.

I also want to mention a few people who made the night so great:

- Lando, the owner of House of James who let us perform there

- Adam Roper, who organized the event

- Brad and Shannon who drove me (I don’t have a car)

- Barbara Swain and Josh Hyslop who both performed phenominally as well

And last but certainly not least…

- Emily Ewing, who sang with me and did a fantastic job

Thanks also to everyone who came out to listen.  We couldn’t do it with out you.

Writing songs is one of my favorite things to do.  Over the course of a few days this past week I wrote two songs as well as took my first stab at composition.

Writing the composition was quite the adventure.  I didn’t even start working on it until midnight.  I “finished” at about 4:30AM… and then tweaked a few things for a couple hours the next day.  Inspiration just happened to strike at midnight and I couldn’t sleep until I had my ideas out.  It’s interesting how much late night energy I can get when working on something creative (juxtapose this to the fact that I can rarely stay awake to see a whole movie, and it really is quite impressive).  The composition is written for piano, violin, and cello - mostly focusing on the piano, with the stings just filling out the sound.  It is a fairly short instrumental experimental classical piece that depicts a day in the life of a spider.  I wrote it on a cheap version of the Finale notation software called NotePad.  The program allows me to hear what I’ve written on MIDI playback (it basically sounds like crappy keyboard versions of sampled instruments).  I enjoy listening to “Spiders”, but it’s probably not that good of a composition (it is only my first attempt).  I hope to one day record it though.

The other two songs that I wrote were pretty good though.  They’re both upbeat and fun to play.

I normally don’t do this, but I’m going to show you the lyrics (I usually prefer to have people hear the lyrics rather than read them, but “what the hey!”):

Beyond My Control (a song about the uncertainties of life after death)

I don’t want to die, but one day when I do, I think that I’ll be fine
I’m confident I’ll get through
But still I seem so scared, and oh so unprepared
For a new creation beyond imagination

So much is unknown and it don’t make me comfortable
So much is at stake and I just have to wait
So much is so strange; it’s so easy to complicate
Beyond my control, it’s beyond my control

There’s little information about the transformation
Into that second body, while the other one is rotting
So where do I go? And what is my soul?
How long is forever? How many meet together?

So much is unknown and it don’t make me comfortable
So much is at stake and I just have to wait
So much is so strange; it’s so easy to complicate
Beyond my control, it’s beyond my control

Better Man (a song about life change)

I was a broken man - a heartless beast
Among the damned and amid the least
You were beautiful
There was something new that I had to have that was inside of you
A quick and sudden change;
There’s really something strange about this

You’re a miracle. You’re the reason why I’m a better man.
You clear my mind
You’re innocent. I was so corrupt, but it balanced out.
You lifted me from the rut
I’m on the level ground. I’m never going down there again

And all you ever did was nothing else but live,
And teach me to forgive myself

I’m curious to know what you think.  Feel free to critique or completely tear me apart.  You can bluntly tell me which lines suck.  All is fair…  But if you want to say something nice, I like that too.   

Today I decided to take my bike to a memorial service (aka funeral) for a man named Frank Dyck.  I didn’t actually ride all the way to the church; I took my bike on public transit so that I could ride home afterward.  I thought it was a good plan, but it may have been the worst decision I’ve made in a long time… (foreshadowing)

The memorial service was really powerful.  I never really knew the man, but I wish I did.  The church was packed and people told all kinds of amazing stories about him.  Afterward there were refreshments downstairs so I stayed for a while to visit and then helped clean up.

Then when I was ready to leave I put the key in my bike lock, but it got stuck.  I couldn’t pull it out, but tried twisting it around a bit.  Eventually I felt it become loose - a little too loose.  I had broken the key with part of it stuck in the lock.  I did my best to refrain from blurting out obsenities at the church.  After realizing there was nothing I could do, I asked around for help.  Someone handed me a hacksaw to try cutting through the lock and I was skeptical.  Sure enough, the saw couldn’t even scratch the metal lock.  Oh, I forgot to mention that this was a Kryptonite U-shaped solid steal lock.  It was basically indestructible.  I asked around for more help.  Peter Unger, our resident handyman, took me to the tools room and grabbed a hammer.  He banged my bike lock to death, but it didn’t even leave a dent.  Again, I asked around for more help.  Another kind man, John Kroeker, volunteered to grab his grinder from home.  That thing cut through the lock like butter.  Victory!!

But this was just the beginning of my bike adventure…

I started riding and it was a pretty far distance, but I was making good time.  I eventually came to the part where I needed to get onto the highway.  I was nervous, but confident that I would be okay.  However, I had to cross over two lanes to get to the shoulder.  So I had to wait quite a while for a break in traffic.  I made it across alright; I conquered the obstacle and was feeling good.  I rode through the tunnel and approached the Second Narrows Bridge (aka Iron Workers Memorial Bridge).  To my dismay, the shoulder of the highway slowly diminished to the point that there was no shoulder at all.  I was stuck in the middle of the highway (on the far side of the left lane of North facing traffic).  Cars, trucks, and even Hummers sped past me just inches away.  People honked their horns and yelled out the window.  I felt pretty stupid and was actually scared for my life.  There seemed to be an endless flow of traffic.  I started praying that God will get me out of there alive.  I decided that I could probably cross the highway faster on foot than on the bike because it is easier to start running from a complete stop than it is to start biking from a complete stop.  Suddenly I saw the tiniest break in traffic, so I held my breath, picked up my bike, and ran like the wind!  I threw my bike over the barrier and hopped over.  I practically kissed the ground with relief.

Now safe on the fenced-in sidewalk, I biked across the bridge.  I made it to the North Shore (my homeland) and I was feeling great… for a few minutes.

Out of nowhere I heared a pop and a hiss and an evil snake.  “Are you serious!” I yelled out loud.  My back tire blew out.  Now with my head down and spirits defeated, I started walking to the nearest bus stop, hoping that the next bus could carry bikes on the front.  But before I arrived at the bus stop, I saw something off in the distance.  It was like an Oasis in the treacherous desert - Cove Bike Shop.  A bike shop just a block away from where my tire blew out.  This must have been a miracle.  There was a shimmering halo around the building and angels flying around playing trumpets.  A single beam of light broke through the clouds to illuminate the shop.  I walked inside and the worker said that they were just about to close but he saw me coming and thought I could use some help.  They fixed my tired for $10, which I thought was reasonable.

From there I biked home safely and lived happily ever after.  THE END.

What a week!

I’m dog tired, and sick, and I have to wake up early to travel to the Interior for a wedding (which I am looking forward to, it will just not help the tiredness).

“Why are you so tired?” you say in an inquisitive and mildly concerned tone.

Well… the main reason I’m tired is because of kids.  About 40 of them to be specific.  This week I helped out with a kids camp called VBS.  It was a blast, but it drained me.  I spent hours upon hours running around, chasing kids, lifting kids, being attacked by kids, singing, jumping, yelling, dancing, playing “grounders” and other games, etc.  For a relatively-out-of-shape-non-athlete like me, this is pretty intense.  Oh yeah, I also had to wake up at 6:30AM everyday, which is also intense for a mostly-self-employed-rockstar-wannabe like me.

Crazy kids and no sleeping in would be managealbe by itself, but this was also busy week with music.  I was burning the candle from both ends (is that how the saying goes?)

Here’s what I’ve been doing:

- finding students and writing curriculum for guitar lessons
- finding musicians and starting auditions for a cover band
- playing shows (I had two this week)
- playing on a radio station

Yesterday, I met Julie Lee.  She is an amazing violinist and we got along really well.  She was so good that I invited her to play with me at my show that night (which Julia Spitale hosted so wonderfully).  We performed some songs that she had never even heard before and no one in the audience would have known - she’s that good (it’s like playing with Brielle, for those of you who saw her play with me).

The radio appearance was really cool.  It was at Simon Fraser University’s CJSF 90.1 FM station, on a show called Melodies in Mind, hosted by Ryan Fletcher.  There were three other performers - Aidan Mayes, Dana Marie, and Day Cart (four if you include both guys of  Day Cart - whose name is a reference to philosopher Rene Decarte) and we did a song circle.  We traded songs back and fourth.  All of them were really talented.  In fact one of Dana Marie’s songs almost made me cry.  It was a great show in general.  You can hear a few of the songs at http://www.myspace.com/melodiesinmind

Or download the full show here in two sections: one and two

Anyway, it’s been a hectic week!  I feel wrecked.  But what keeps me going is that I absolutely love everything I am doing.

This post is kinda late… oh well.

Canada Day this year was pretty awesome.  I started out with a block party.  I helped set up and tear down, I played music, and I fell into the dunk tank innumerable times because whenever the kids missed the target, they would so kindly walk up and hit it with their hand.  It never stopped being funny… for them.  I also floated around to help with whatever else I could.

Then after a quick nap at home, I headed out to my weekly Live Music Wednesdays show at Bean Around the World.  Two amazing acts from Abbotsford came out to play: Barbara Swain and Cale Stanage.  They brought a good group of people with them too.  Barabara’s voice is like an angel and Cale’s songs are so fun - one of his songs borrows the line “I scream for ice cream, you scream for ice cream, we all scream for ice cream.”  We were all sing along to that one.  When I played my set, I felt so alive.  The audience was really energetic.  People were clapping to the beat and singing along and cheering with enthusiasm.  I wish all shows could be like that.

To cap off the night, a group of us watched the fireworks from the park.  What a perfect day.

The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, died today.

Weird.

People seem to have mixed emotions. Michael was a legend and inspiration, yet led a troubled life. He was the butt of many jokes, but his songs always made people want to dance.

I decided to film a cover of a Michael Jackson song today.  I hope to cover more Michael Jackson songs in memory of the King of Pop in the future. “Black or White” is one of my favorites. Sorry I changed it a bit… I can’t rap.

Check out the video below or click here.

I’ve come a long way in the last year or so (some might think it’s in the wrong direction, but that’s debatable) in regards to preparation for playing a show.  Back in the days when I took voice lessons, I would be very strict about how I get ready to perform.  I would have a specific vocal warm up routine, I would refrain from drinking anything caffeinated or alcoholic, I wouldn’t have any dairy, I would go easy on the carbs, and I would basically build myself up into nervousness.  With all the pressure of having to make everything right and believing that all the elements had to be in place for me to sing on key, I could not be able to relax.

This was nonsense!  Relaxation is a very important part, if not the most important part, of singing.  A singer who is uptight is more likely to forget lyrics, hit bad notes, sing without conviction, and bore the audience.  

Recently I’ve tried another approach: having a good time (“We’re just to guys and we’re having a good time, having a good time, having a good time”).  I will still pay a bit of attention to what I eat and drink before a performance, but I don’t worry about it.  For example, I don’t drink a big milkshake before a show (that’s just playing with fire… a dairy overload causes phlegminess), but sometimes I’ll have a beer before I sing (it’s relaxing and enjoyable).  I still warm up my voice sometimes, but the main difference is in the mindset.  I look forward to the show.  I don’t worry about all the little details.  One time I even played without a set list… and you know what… it was fine.  I knew what songs to play.  When I just relax on stage, my performance seems more natural and the audience picks up on that.

Last night I played a show at the Live Music Wednesdays (which I host) and I came across something else that tampered with my relaxation.  When the show started there was almost no one in the audience.  This was very discouraging and I know that my downcast-spirit had an effect on my performance.  It makes sense - singing is a very emotional experience, so when my emotions are lost somewhere else, I can’t pour my whole being into the song.  But after a while, people started showing up.  For the last two thirds of the show, the coffee shop was almost packed.  And I really noticed the difference in how I performed.  With this new energetic crowd, I became more energetic and broke out of my shell to expose who I really am as a singer.  It was quite interesting.

So to all performers out there, my lesson to you is to be aware of your emotions as you perform.  If you are worried or discouraged, this will come out in your performance.  Try to understand where your emotions are coming from and decide if there is something you can do to change them.

Working hard or hardly working?

Well… I’ve been keeping busy at least.  Not much of what I do feels like work.  Even my day job - worship leader and youth worker at Killarney Park Church - doesn’t really feel like work because I love what I do.  So it’s hard to say if I’m working hard, but I am doing a lot of stuff.

- I’ve been playing a decent amount of gigs.

- I’ve done a couple photoshoots.  One with Tracy Zhang and one with Adam Loewen.

- I’ve been planning a Vancouver Island tour for late August.

- I’ve become the new host of weekly Live Music Wednesdays at Bean Around the World at the Lonsdale Quay.

- I’ve done the Grouse Grind (I finished in 80 minutes… I’m going to try to do it in an hour next time)

- I’ve been running almost daily.  I have a goal to be able to run the Stanley Park sea wall by the end of August.

- I’ve appeard on Drive TV.

- My album has been reviewed by Colin Rink.  Check out his podcast “On the Run”

- And I’ve been having fun hanging out with friends.

By the way, last night I tried Bud Light Lime and I must say… it was good.  I’m not a Bud fan at all, but this tasted like Corona with Lime.  It’s a nice Summer beer.  Give it a try (I wish I was getting paid to say that).