Comments on: Two New Songs and a Composition http://jeffhawker.ca/blog/2009/08/two-new-songs-and-a-composition/ Vancouver Folk Singer/Songwriter Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Kevin Long http://jeffhawker.ca/blog/2009/08/two-new-songs-and-a-composition/comment-page-1/#comment-160 Kevin Long Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:32:57 +0000 http://jeffhawker.ca/blog/?p=279#comment-160 "So much is unknown and it don’t make me comfortable So much is at stake and I just have to wait So much is so strange; it’s so easy to complicate Beyond my control, it’s beyond my control" I like this alot... mainly because I like to use that kind of repetition in certain songs. Without any music, this still feels really strong and I can at least imagine what could be backing this up. Overall, I like the verses and the straight-ahead nature of the lyrics. You're keeping it very honest and "soul-searching". Now, "Better Man"... Are these pretty the complete lyrics? I like where you're going, so all I can say is MAYBE push for another section... doesn't have to fall under "bridge/chorus/verse", but I think you have more in you to add to this. "And all you ever did was nothing else but live, And teach me to forgive myself" - This is good and I can see you adding to it somehow. “So much is unknown and it don’t make me comfortable
So much is at stake and I just have to wait
So much is so strange; it’s so easy to complicate
Beyond my control, it’s beyond my control”

I like this alot… mainly because I like to use that kind of repetition in certain songs. Without any music, this still feels really strong and I can at least imagine what could be backing this up. Overall, I like the verses and the straight-ahead nature of the lyrics. You’re keeping it very honest and “soul-searching”.

Now, “Better Man”… Are these pretty the complete lyrics? I like where you’re going, so all I can say is MAYBE push for another section… doesn’t have to fall under “bridge/chorus/verse”, but I think you have more in you to add to this.

“And all you ever did was nothing else but live,
And teach me to forgive myself” - This is good and I can see you adding to it somehow.

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