I woke up this morning feeling a little bit uncomfortable. And I don’t mean a sore back or sore neck. There was a sense of something wrong - not danger, but a troubled soul. This was odd because things are going quite well for me right now - I have a good job, I’m pursuing my dream of playing music for a living and getting good feedback about it, I have good friends and family, everything seems to be going well. But still there is an unsettledness inside of me.
I think I have drifted into living life for my own personal gain. I’ve focused most of my energy on trying to get people to hear my music, come to my shows, visit my website, buy my CD. And what am I doing for anyone? Not very much.
I am thinking about volunteering somewhere to do some good in the world. But now I’m scared that this would only be for selfish reasons as well… volunteering only so that I don’t feel so bad about not doing anything. It’s a complicated situation (it reminds me of that episode in FRIENDS where Phoebe bets everyone that every good deed is selfish in some way). I don’t want to just put a band-aid on the issue selfish living and pretend like nothing is wrong. I want a change of heart - a heart transplant, if you will (I love saying “if you will”). I don’t know where to start, but I’m going to try.
By the way, I probably won’t write a follow-up to this post because there would be the danger of boasting, which is selfish.
Tags: Jeff Hawker, personal gain, selfish, troubled soul, uncomfortable, unsettled, volunteering
There is no such thing as altruism! Go volunteer.